DreadWorld Review: 'Bonejangles' (2017)

If you are going to fuck around in the horror/comedy mash-up genre, you better get it right. When you do, your film has the potential to be a classic like Scream. When you don't, you get Nightmare on Elm Street 5. Brett DeJager's latest film, Bonejangles, dives unabashedly head first into the horror comedy pool. unfortunately, rather than making a beautiful swan dive, like Scream, Bonejangles is quite the belly flop, like Nightmare 5.

With a title as awesome as Bonejangles - how do you fuck it up? Let me count the ways. Bonejangles is an immortal serial killer raised that way by his serial killer father (a solid day of work out of Reggie Bannister). Young Jangles one weakness according to his father? "His willy." Bullets can't hurt him. You can't stab him to death. But fucking? Fucking will kill him, or something. Bone is also apparently very much susceptible to being stunned into submission. Which is exactly what the bumbling Canadian accented cops do after Bonejangles latest killing spree. If that's not enough to make your ears bleed....the master plan is to take him to SMITHS GROVE SANITARIUM in the town of ARGENTO. Dario's made some pretty questionable films over the last half a century or so but he certainly doesn't deserve to have his good name sullied by this amateur writing device.

All of this silliness is in the first act, after all look at the character in the poster, watching him slice and dice for the nest hour should be fun as hell right? It would be. Except that's not what happens. Bonejangles, the immortal serial killer, is hardly the least of the town of Argento's (ewww) worries. See generations ago they were cursed by a witch. Every year on the anniversary of her burning, the dead corpses of the men who fucked her rise from their graves to terrorize the town. There's a lot more exposition planted roughly 45 minutes into the film, but essentially the genius cops decide the only way to end Argentos (ewww) curse is to unleash Bonejangles on the witch and her undead horde.

Okay, now we are getting somewhere. Immortal serial killer versus and army of the undead and their puppet master witch. A battle for the ages. Except it's not. Their confrontation actually lasts for less time than it took me to type "a battle for the ages."

The ridiculousness above isn't even the worst sin that this horror/comedy makes. The biggest problem is that the film is just not funny. It's stupid, and not in that Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil sort of stupid either. The jokes aren't funny, unless maybe, just maybe, you are a 13 year old and have never seen even a bad Kevin Smith film before. The jokes in this film make the jokes in Nightmare 5 sound like Eddie Murphy's Raw. Cringe worthy. Bad. Stereotypical. To be fair the material is done no favors by the community theater level of actors delivering the lines. But even if it was Sir Ian McKellan and vintage DeNiro this would still be shit.

The maddening thing about Bonejangles though isn't the acting or the script, or any of the other nonsense. It's the fact that when the film puts and end to the silliness and introduces actual horror elements it succeeds! The stalk and slash parts of the film are fun, fast paced and dare I say actually build tension. They are complimented by a very liberal use of the red stuff and some decent looking kills. Bonejangles as a paint by numbers slasher is intriguing. Just look at the poster. That's a pretty damn good monster.

It's easy to see what director DeJager and writer Keith Melcher are going for with Bonejangles. The problem is it's just too much at once and way too poorly executed to really add up to anything worth while. A straight slasher with Bonejangles may have worked. Hell, even the idea of a town (not named Argento) that's cursed once a year by throngs of flesh eating zombies is a good jumping off point for a script. But mashed together by some of most unfunny things you've ever witnessed and film crumbles. Check this one out for some decent blood, a nice pair of ta ta's (late in the third act you perverts), and the tease of possibilities.

** stars out of *****

That's it for me. As always, thanks for reading and "enjoy every sandwich."

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