Desecrated (2015)



Confession time...I really try to root for independent films. I'm willing to forgive certain mistakes and give independent features a little more (perhaps too much) leeway when it comes to the final products quality. That being said, there comes a time when that line is crossed and certain mistakes become unforgivable. Desecrated not only crossed that line, it breaks through it like a running back crashing through a defensive line and breaking off a 45 yard touchdown run.

Try to follow along with the plot, and I say try because by the end of this paragraph your head may do the cool Scanners thing where it explodes into a million pieces. Here goes: A group of "friends" in their late 20's and early 30's head up to the one rich girls (Haylie Duff) cabin to arty for spring break. The caretaker of the property is warm and friendly...or he's stand offish and crazy, depending on which take the editor has used for that particular shot. After discovering a trailer containing human remains in a jar, our group of utterly unlikable "friends" debate what to do about the discovery for about a half an hour (film running time - not compressed movie time). After going in circles, they are convinced by the now thoroughly creepy caretaker that all is well. You can fill n the blanks from here. Caretaker begins killing "friends." Rinse repeat. There is an attempt a a subplot with the rich girls father (Michael Ironside - Scanners again. See? It all comes full circle) and murder/insurance fraud that sounds like a whole separate film or to give Michael Ironside something to do other than answer his phone.


Desecrated checks the boxes on pretty much all of the "shitty independent films scorecard." Thirty year old actors, who look over 30 playing 20? Check. A group of "friends" who would ever be "friends" in real life? Check. Over complicated plot ? Check. Uneven performances depending on the take? Check. A twist so obvious it's really not even a twist just more plot holed bullshit? Check. Terrible editing? Check. A "name actor" shoehorned into a role simply because they met his quote so they could put his name on the DVD cover? Check. It's all there, the perfect storm of shittiness.

Now, there is a decent film in here somewhere. A group of (age appropriate) friends retreat to a cabin to help one of them get over the death of their mother. They run across the caretaker who's an ex-military man who can't leave the combat field behind. While up there he snaps killing everyone. It's not completely original and sound a lot like The Invoking (review HERE), but it's a hell of a lot more focused than the mess that is Desecrated.

I wanted to like Desecrated. I fell for the trap though. Haylie Duff (Napoleon Dynamite). Michael Ironside. Paul James ('Greek'). All known actors who have done some pretty good work in the past. Hell, Michael Ironside was in Starship Troopers - one of my favorite films of all time. But once again I am taught the lesson, you can't make chicken salad (a good film) out of chicken shit (the Desecrated script). Despite the efforts of Duff, James, and a couple of the other cast members, who certainly give it their best shot there is just far too much wrong with the film for the acting to save it.  

Desecrated has been kicking around for a while now waiting for a proper release. Sometimes when a film sits on the shelf for a few years it's because the studio just doesn't quite know what to do with it. Other times, it's just because it's a bad film. Unfortunately, Desecrated is a bad film. Should you be a Michael Ironside or Haylie Duff completist, you can catch Desecrated on VOD and DVD on January 6th, of 2015.

* star out of *****

That's it for me. As always, thanks for reading and "enjoy every sandwich."

2 comments:

  1. Please ask someone to proofread before publishing.
    "girls" -> "girl's" (several times)
    "review HERE" --> where?
    "completest" -> "completist"

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks for the feedback...but you missed the "p" at the beginning of party. Had you found that mistake you would have won the big cash prize. Thanks for playing!

    ReplyDelete