Hemlock Grove S:1 E:12 "Children Of The Night"

Two episodes in a row names after 1980's hard rock staples (the previous episode was titled "The Price"). If the next episode is titled "Shout At The Devil" I may wet myself.

Previously On Hemlock Grove : Peter escapes a redneck mob but has to kill his cat. Novelist girl acts weird and disappears. Another young lady is killed. Bill Skarsgard carries the episode.

This Time On Hemlock Grove : Chausser is indeed awake in the cage and struggles to get free. Luckily someone left a broken bottle nearby. Even luckier that her captors used plastic handcuffs on her, you know the kind that can be easily cut through by, say, a broken bottle. Quickly free, she starts picking the lock on the cage. This riveting action leads us to the coma inducing OPENING CREDIT SEQUENCE!!!

Chausser is taking forever to pick this lock so Olivia finally decides to spice things up by walking in the room. She prattles on about some game they used to play back in what ever country her accent wants to be from at that moment. Finally the lock is picked and there is some screaming. We don't see what happens of course. But Olivia breaks her neck and skins the top half of her. For a show that tries to shock in ridiculous ways, the fact that they left Chaussers pants on shows some unbelievable restraint. Dr. Price shows up and gets his panties all in a bunch about having to clean up another one of Olivias messes. Olivia basically verbally bitch slaps him back into place before walking off. Chausser is still barely alive and her and Dr. Price have a moment. Then he suffocates her.

Letha is home brewing some tea. She has finally started to show some baby belly, good to see the folks who make the show remembered that when you are pregnant things actually happen to a human body. Missing freaky novelist girl and her terrible wig show up at Lethas back door. She makes all nicey nice as Letha calls Roman for help. Peter insists on going this time. At the house, novelist girl is suddenly okay with Peter. They head back to the abandoned church to get Pete ready for his confrontation. But first they stop at a convenience store to by some electrical cord. Roman is forced to apologize to the clerk before he can buy anything.

Norman tells Shelly that he's an asshole and sort of confesses to boffing her mother. He then decides that this would be the best time to tell her that the girl who was killed was her clerk friend. Obviously, Shelly is rather upset and storms off. Good job Norm.

Back at the church, Fred, Shaggy, Velma and Daphne settle in to wait for the wolf. Novelist girl starts acting pretty weird though. Peter quickly figures out that she's the wolf. She confesses, even giving a Bond villian-esque recap of hoe she became a werewolf. FYI - it doesn't take much more than drinking from the paw of a werewolf to do the trick. Peter ties her up. He could just kill her, but then that would make sense. Letha freaks out. Why? I have no idea. But she's really over the top about it. Novelist girl finally changes after some disturbing commentary, especially since she is only 14. But thankfully her awful wig is history. She lunges at Peter, the cord breaks. It really was tied terribly, to the point that I thought he might have done that on purpose. The wolf tears his face off, which you knew would happen if you read last episodes recap. He stumbles away as Roman grabs his battle axe and prepares for the fight. Letha finally runs to the door but it's locked. So she screams like an idiot. End episode.

So the novelist girl is the wolf. Of course their are going to be others, becasue storyline wise novelist girl makes 0 sense. The other wolves should logically lead to Roman having to kill his mother, Peter or himself. Of course I said logically, so I'm sure none of that will happen. This episode was only 45 minutes long, which helped the feel of it. 60 minutes is far too long to sit through the bullshit this show throws at you on a consistent basis. Each show really only has 30 minutes of content, so padding it out to 45 isn't terrible. Padding it out to 60 is insufferable.

One more episode left. Thank god. It's not "The River" bad, but "Hemlock Grove" is pretty damn bad and I'm looking forward to moving on.

As always : Thanks for reading and "Enjoy every sandwich."

Keep Reading - Episode 13!


  1. This show is terrible, I really hope that the last episode redeems the entire series although I doubt it will.

    The wig... OMG, Is that the best they could do? A pre-Halloween trip to any £1 shop would provide better.

    The continuity is dreadful, in the scene where Christina is confessing everything she has the electrical cord tied around her neck. It that one scene it's tied in three different knots. Seriously have they heard of continuity?

    I'm almost certain that just after Letha announced she was pregnant, didn't her Mother tell Norman that she was also pregnant?

    1. Re: Letha's mother's pregnancy - that was a flashback to when Norman and Olivia were first bumping uglies, and Norman had decided to leave his wife. Just as he decided, she revealed her pregnancy, which the show seemed to hint they had been trying for for some time.