Hemlock Grove S:1 E:6 "The Crucible"

Last Time On Hemlock Grove : Roman is a whole different kind of crazy. Tequila really is the best chaser for swallowing the worm and most disgusting of all - Peter and Letha share a straw.

This Time On Hemlock Grove : Olivia is checking out some spooky haunted mill or something for some reason. Then she pukes up some flesh and doesn't even bother cleaning it up. That's a 50 dollar fine from the HOA company if you ask me. She then call the cops and tells them to increase patrols at the mill. This bit of obvious foreshadowing brings us to the (lazy) Opening Credit Sequence!

The Hardy Boys (the dudes from the books not the awesome tag team) are in some neighboring town staking out the Willoughby (I do smell a Twilight Zone reference I believe) house.  They are looking for some sort of invitation the dead chick may have received that led her to Hemlock Grove. Tired of waiting, Roman decides that he's going to just ring the bell. He uses his weird eye/mind control thing to put the dad to sleep before they make for the dead chicks bedroom. They have just enough time for Roman to steal the dead girls panties before her sister interrupts the sacking of the room. She's cool with them being there (o.k. I guess) and gives them the invite they so sorely seek. The invite asks her to go to the old mill a.k.a. Godfrey Castle. Outside they eat some tacos and make some rape jokes (seriously) before Peter gets a text from Letha. He lies to Roman and says it's from his mom. They need to pick up their sleuthing later - at the Old Mill, closer to sundown. Hmmm, but Olivia...the patrols...here's a sledge hammer, it's gentler.

Novelist Girl is preparing to go on a date with some dude. The twins take her shopping, she has a white streak in her hair, like Laura San Giacomo in The Stand. I doubt she fucked the devil though, since they've made it a point to make sure we all know she is a prude. Post movie novelist girl and pimply faced teen disagree over who invited who to see the terrible film they've apparently just seen (Transformers 3?). Hmmm....suspicious. Regardless, he pulls up to the peer for some refreshment drinking and more by the look in his eyes. After some blatant Coca Cola product placement, they get down to the making out. Only halfway through novelist girl freaks out and rips half of pimply faced teens face off. So no second date then?

The Bobsey twins make it to the abandoned mill, and after some back story about smelting metal, they decide to split up to search for clues. They are apart for all of 8 seconds before deciding to jet. But wait! Not so fast, they really are searching.

Sidebar: This pissed me off. First, they split up for all of 8 seconds. Then they say there is nothing there and decide to leave. However, in the very next scene, they are still looking. no explanation as to why as it previously had been decided THEY WERE LEAVING. Didn't anyone watch the show before releasing it? It caught that bullshit and I'm an idiot.

So the search continues...and wouldn't you know it they find the other half of the dead girl. Just then though (how convenient) Johnny Law shows up. For some reason Peter begs Roman to do the weird eye/mind control thing. Roman decides that insulting the cops wives might be the better part of valor. He gets arrested. He looks at Peter inside the mill before leaving. The cop makes a comment about how there is another person in the mill, but rather than actually go and look they just leave. Stupid cops - how convenient to the plot. Roman leaves Peter alone, presumably as some sort of revenge for his growing fondness for Letha. He is now stuck at the old mill with the sun going down and a full moon coming up.

Elsewhere, Olivia decides to take Shelly with her to the library. Which begs the question, do people still go to libraries? Shelly makes a little guy pee himself. Poor Shelly. Olivia is looking for a specific book. I would have tried Amazon, but then again that wouldn't have led me to bring my daughter to a public place where everyone is scared of her. Olivia takes a seat and sees a kids flashing shoes. This causes her to pass out. Norman runs to her rescue. He brings her home. She tries to seduce him. He resists. Back at his office he gets a message from his wife about nursery paint colors. This causes him to call Olivia so he can fuck her. Seems like a reasonable response for not wanting to go to Home Depot.

One step forward...twos steps back for this show. After two episodes I would even dare to call "good," this one is a mess. I addressed most of the issues in the episodes context, but some it bears repeating. When things conveniently happen to advance the plot it's lazy writing. Olivia doesn't need to go to the library. She has people to do those things for her. Not to mention the whole internet thing. But they had to come up with a way to get her to pass out, and apparently this is the bet they could do. The shit with the cops is also just that shit. Lazy shit. If you are going to have the cop comment about how there might be another person in the mill, then they have to investigate it. If they are not - just take the damn line out. it serves no purpose then.

Sorry for the rant, but I want to like the show, I really do. I can look past the teenage girl shirtless bullshit and all the other crap becasue I like Eli Roth. I really do. Cabin Fever is a guilty pleasure of mine. I love Hostile and even Hostile II, which I though was a lot more clever than it had any right to be. Hell, I'm still waiting for a full length version of Thanksgiving, the trailer from the Grindhouse picks Tarentino and Robert Rodriguez did. So I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. But this shit keeps happening every episode. It get's really hard to watch bad shows and it's getting next to impossible to make it through these without throwing something at the TV.

"Hemlock Grove," if you choose to watch it, is now streaming in it's entirety on Netflix.

Until next time: Thanks for reading and as always "Enjoy every sandwich."

Keep Reading - Episode 7!

1 comment:

  1. When I went to watch HG,I put on episode 6 because my Netflix screen says just seen it.I always want to review it to see if I recall anything from my previous viewing.Only thing I remembered was the kid getting his face clawed to death.
    This week's best quote:"Abstinence is highly overrated"!I couldn't have said it better myself!I'm having a very hard time not spacing out during this series.That's what brought to your blog,to see if I missed anything and to get another point of view.I'm also a big Eli Roth fan,and very surprised I don't see his fingerprints on this at all.The pacing is so slow,I'm nodding off every now and then.I do that during marathon TV watching but never as often as this series.I'm hoping it picks up soon,as I've got to see the next Shelley and see what all the complaining's about.