Zombie Strippers (2008)

So it's been sitting there, like a flashing red light, ever since I downloaded the Crackle App on my iPad. I've never bitten. I'm better than that. I can't possibly be sucked in by such obvious lowest common denominator fare as 'Zombie Strippers'. Can I? Well it turns out I can. Last night, like a junkie who falls off the wagon, I caved. I pressed that icon featuring Jenna Jameson and her monster fake fun bags staring back at me, and you know what? I am pleased to tell you 'Zombie Strippers' wasn't half bad. It certainly wasn't 'The Godfather' or even 'Godfather III' but it was a fun, if not long, stupid little film that is a perfectly acceptable way to waste an hour and a half.

It starts, like all great b-level zombie films do, with a chemical leak at a top secret government facility. A black ops level task force is sent into the center to contain the outbreak, but when one of the soldiers gets bitten, he runs off from the group. Finding his way into the outside world he breaks into an underground, illegal strip club run by none other than Freddy Krueger himself Robert England. We meet the strippers, all of whom seem to have had their personalities pulled from an episode of 'Saved By The Bell', meaning there is a stripper for every high school stereo type. Right away you know something is wrong in the club because these strippers are the most intelligent strippers in the world. To drive this point home, Jenna Jameson sits in her dressing room reading Neitzsche between sets of shaking her tits. We get it - not all strippers are idiots.

After breaking in to the club, the soldier just kind of hangs out, until he dies. Jenna strips. Other girls strip. Stereotypical new girl tries to strip, but gets afraid. Jenna steps in for her only to get her throat ripped out by the now zombified soldier boy. This immediately makes her the best stripper ever. Seeing how good she is, the other strippers want her ti bite them so they can get in on a little bit of that undead dancing. The zombie strippers dance, then they start eating the customers. For some reason this is acceptable, not only to Robert Englund but to the other customers as well. Eventually, cooler heads prevail and England and Co. decide that the undead strippers need to be eliminated.

'Zombie Strippers' is nothing if not a hell of a good time. The gore is copious and for the most part looks pretty good (i.e. more practical than CG). The way the zombie strippers decay over time is actually really well done. The acting is a bit all over the place. But that's to be expected when most of the cast (i.e. the strippers) are more well known for their um "other" lines of work. England seems like he's having the time of his life, and why wouldn't he? He's mowing down big breasted strippers with machine guns, who wouldn't have fun with that? The film is about 10 minutes too long mostly because Jameson (who, in all honesty, really needs to stop with the surgeries) must have had it written in to her deal that she get at least 3 extended solo stripping scenes.

I went in to the film hoping it would at least be watchable. Quite the contrary, the film was a fun, camp,  over the top exercise that any zombie fan, regardless of sex, should check out.

*** out of *****

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