The River : The Experiment

A bit of a different format for this weeks review. I just can't sit an review this show with in the same manner I review other shows. It would take far too long and make my brain hurt far too much. So I'm taking pointers from one of my least favorite Poison songs and diving head first straight into this weeks The River:

What's Right: This appears to be the middle episode of a three episode season ending story arc, something that the show should have done since the beginning. I criticized the show early in the season, saying it was the Brady Bunch of horror shows. Everything seemed to be wrapped up in 48 minutes. When the next show aired nothing carried over other than the search for Dr. Cole. This appears to have (at least temporarily) been corrected...Bruce Greenwood. Even in one scene, the last of the show, he acts circles around the other actors. The main reason last weeks show stands head and shoulders above any of the other episodes is because it was about him. he got to carry the action...this week the gore was stepped up, although in a network TV way. The flies, the dead bodies, Rabbit getting ripped in half. Pretty good stuff, tame by horror standards, but better than the show has been.

What's Wrong: So much, but I'll keep it brief...Joe Anderson can't decide if he's American, British or whatever. It's so frustrating...This episode seems to have been quelled from old footage of The Walking Dead. Walkers err, sorry "Experiments" that were previously thought to be dead come back to life to attack the group. I've been screaming all seasons that this show needs to take it's cues from The Walking Dead. But that doesn't mean just ripping it off...I hate the way this show just mindfucks you with time and distance. It took Dr. Cole weeks to get from the Magus to the compound. WEEKS! Linc and company found it last week in what seemed like 20 minutes. This week after rescuing Emmet, they are back on the ship again in what seems like minutes. Plus this time two Walker/Experiment things follow them there. They have a great sense of direction I guess...The fucking AHA! moments continue. The find a blood hat in the compound. Of course it's Emmets. Rabbit (the camera girl from last week) is alive in the compound and very helpful. Kurts finaces phone still has enough of a charge to ring after months of no one being "alive" (except for Rabbit). A dragonfly leads Linc to his father cocoon up on the roof. A Dragonfly? Really? Really!?!...Lena collapses at her day job. That's how she know her father and Emmet are still alive. By passing out in the middle of Dicks Sporting goods....

What's Left: The other stuff that's going on. There are tons of other sub-plots that the show likes to bring up whenever they run out of things to talk about or feel like its convenient...This week we get more about Kurt and some chick he want's to marry but eventually shoots. He rambles in drunken German and tells AJ (remember him?) that he wants to kill Dr. Cole. Why? Why wait until he's been found? Why not just sabotage the mission? Why not just blow the ship up in the first episode? Why wait this long to make your move. He could have just killed everyone along the way, one bullet in their heads as they slept...The other sub plot that rears its head over and over again is the whole Lena, Linc, Jonas deal. It brings nothing to the story. Linc has not refused to help Jonas one time because of it, or vice versa. So why have it? What's the point? Answer: there is none...We also learned this week that Lenas weird tattoo thing on the back of her neck matches the symbol on Lincs necklace. It also matches the tattoo that one of the guys from the last tribe had. but we are past them now, so what does the tattoo or necklace have to do with anything? It doesn't...just a waste of film.

What The Hell I Going On? Where does that leave us going into the last week of the show? Well, Dr. Cole is alive and functional. Kurt may or may not want to kill him. Tess may or may not want to fuck him. Clark has and still want's to fuck Tess. Lena wants to fuck both Linc and Jonas. Rabbit (camera girl from last week) is dead, so she won't be fucking anyone....Will we find out what "the source" is? Will we find out why on a trip to the Amazon where there is such danger, none of the main set of characters dies? Probably not.

...And this was one of the better shows!!!

That's it for this week. The show is mercifully over next Tuesday. See you then. Thanks for reading...

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