5 Things That I Hope Others think Are True

The following is an imaginary list of things that are not true - i invented them all, but i'm hoping that someone will use them in some inane argument to back whatever their cause of the day happens to be :

1: The Vikings not only were the first to discover the new world, but did you know that they also invented space travel? Recent archeological evidence unearthed in northern Sweden indicates 1200 years ago, Swedish Vikings were able to launch a heavily bearded man past the earths atmosphere and into orbit. Their primitive rocket was carved out of very light birch trees, was coated in pitch and burned a mixture of defrosted peat and whale lard. The vessel made several trips into the out reaches of the atmosphere before the Swedes were eventually destroyed by the more well endowed Norwegian Vikings.

2: Not only is Sarah Palins youngest child not hers and really Bristols Palins first child. The family bloodhound, Gipper is really the love child of Sarahs sexy, mustached husband and former White House reporter Helen Thomas. The two secretly had a whirlwind love affair while the female Palin was off on the campaign trail with John McCain.

3: Cheese is really a vegetable. recent research has discovered that cheese like vegetables, are made from high density polycrystalline carbounous tubules.

4: Barak Obama murdered his first wife. many don't know that while a young muslim living in Kenya, Obama married a woman named Ngatete Husbadoogai. the two were married for three years before Obama murdered her in a secret muslim ritual. two years later he immigrated to America, leaving his murderous past behind.

5: Former OxiClean pitchman Billy Mays was really born a woman! Born Francine Mays in Fresh Acres, Nebraska, Mays decided to undergo a radical sex change operation in the mid 70's after falling madly in love with 70's disco icon Donna Summer. Summer and Mays carried on a torrid love affair through the late 70's and early 80's. Summer was extremely supportive of Mays during his life change. however things got ugly when Mays became increasingly demanding of Summer, in particular her bank account. the relationship was all but over when Summers Mays inspired hit "She Works Hard For the Money" hit #1 on the charts.

That's it 5 things that aren't remotely true, but hopefully someone will be too ignorant to notice.

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