Train In Vain

3 Days...3 Days of taking the train to the City (New York, it's the only the city, no matter what you think of Boise), 3 days is all its taken for me to notice some particular peculiarities amongst my fellow travelers.

Number One:

Ladies, it's o.k. to sit next to a man on a crowded train. Just sitting next to a strange man does NOT mean he is going to automatically rape you. I watched this lady pass through my car 4 times the other day because she didn't want to sit next to a man. Just a total waste of time. Let me reiterate: just sitting next to him does not mean he is going to rape you....but he may lick you ear, there's nothing wrong with that.

Number Two:

If you are too fat to fit in one seat on the train : Lose Weight. You are making the rest of us uncomfortable you pig.

Number Three:

I don't want to hear your phone conversation and I'm pretty sure no one else wants to either. I'm sure you're very proud of little junior coloring within' the lines, (he's fucking 7 he should be able to do that by now!) but save the pointless adulation for the dinner table. If you absolutely must talk on the phone, KEEP YOUR DAMN VOICE DOWN!

and finally:

This may seem contradictory to item one, but why does the guy who looks like he's registered as a sex offender in at least six states have to sit next to me? 49 respectable people fill the train car around me and #50 has to be some creepshow who looks and smells like he hasn't seen the inside of a shower for the better part of a decade.

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